Indirect

Dear         ,

I'm sorry for not acting back then like I would now. I'm sorry for not being respectful. I'm sorry for the things you don't know I've done. I'm sorry for apologies that don't correct what is being apologized for. I'm sorry for not being on time. I'm sorry for wasting your money. I'm sorry for reacting like that. Im not sorry for the flaws that are not amendable. When I had the opportunity to spend 5 more minutes with you I'm sorry for avoiding that. I'm sorry for going in the opposite direction. I'm sorry for cheating. I really am sorry for not doing EVERYTHING that I could. I'm sorry for not apologizing. I'm sorry for those who don't do anything about it. Im sorry for not calling. I am sorry for ignoring you. I'm sorry I didn't say yes. I'm sorry I said no. I'm not       for writing this.

Sincerely,
           

Just waking in the morning, gotta thank God

..I don't know but today seems kinda odd.

So far in La-La Land I have met a woman who had money stolen from them from the Russians, a man that dealt with the death of a father from an AVALANCHE, a man that lost his mother from drugs, met a homeless woman living in a hotel with two kids and barely enough money to buy bread and much, much more. Each of these people are still kickin' and just laughing through life, it's remarkable. People give me credit for over coming the death of my father but the truth is there are so many people who have had it worse. Knowing that leaves me with no excuses but to keep on keepin' on because I SAID GODDAMN, (Uma Thurman, Pulp Fiction) life is as beautiful as it is terrifying. 

I am starting to feel that the answers I am looking for may be right in front of me. The answers may have always been right in front of me but sometimes it takes going away to realize that. The cliche quote, 'you never know what you have til it's gone', is more true than a fact. Most of the time it does take a traumatic experience to make that realization but that doesn't have to be the case. You can make that realization at any point of your day if you just sit down and really think about what you have rather than what you don't. Don't leave someone angry or upset with them por favor. Cabs drive like lunatics, you never know what could happen when you cross the street.

Maaaan I don't want to work my life away. I want to have a conversation with an old man who is the last one standing in his life and has no one else to talk to. I don't want to hand a check to a charity (when I have money), I want to actually get my hands dirty and be in Zimbabwe helping out a little fella. I want to travel to every inch of this planet and get my self into weird situations where I don't know what is going to happen next. I want a girl with a cute butt, exotic eyes and with as much philosophical depth as I. Also, a banana split and a Jet super bowl. 

"The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness."

 - Eric Hoffer

Therefore I am not searching, I am just gliding. 

HK

JAKE DAVID<3

PEACE. 

I'm a big kid now!

I, excuse me, we need motivation.

I am constantly in search of it and I always find it but only to last temporarily. Whether it's seeing someone beat cancer or a little fucking bird flying with a broken wing it doesn't matter. I need to start being motivated 24/7. I find myself lacking inspiration way too often when inspiration is all around me. (p.s if often is supposed to be pronounced 'offen' then why is there a T? That then brings me to the word bologna but that's neither here nor there)

I am a big boy now and am on the cusp of making some big boy decisions. Will my decision(s) be right? Me no know and me no care. I need to make my own opportunities because at the end of the day I am the only one to be held accountable for my life. If I am going to call myself a man I need to start being one. I played hide and seek, I made it through puberty, I've had fun with the female specimen, I've partied and dabbled in drugs. Now Tis officially time to be working now and playing later. No matter what I'll still be livin' life and laugh my way through it. I just really hope the Mayans are wrong so I don't spend my last year on earth working 60+ hours a week. For 2012 I am going to wake up every morning and say, "Okay! It's time to suck today's dick!"

So, everyone.. Figure out what motivates/inspires you and chizzle it into both sides of your brain. Use it as a driving force and get what you want because if your not willing to work for it then you don't deserve it.

I also need to make sure I'm doing what I preach.

Cheers to twenty twelve. May your resolutions make it through January.

Jake David<3
HK

"My father left me with the feeling that I had to live for two people, and that if I did it well enough, somehow I could make up for the life he should have had. And his memory infused me, at a younger age then most, with a sense of my own mortality. The knowledge that I, too, could die young drove me both to try to drain the most out of every moment of life and to get on with the next big challenge. Even when I wasn't sure where I was going. I was always in a hurry."
- Bill Clinton

Good looks on the quote G.

Times fun when you're having flies

One thing that has stood out to me is how fast time has gone. Yesterday I was banned from recess for one week in 3rd grade for vandalizing the bathroom and today I sweat as to whether I can pay my rent. In less than 10 days I'll be visiting my home which sounds weird and can't be more excited. I just hope time slows down just a little during my time in NJ.

I continually question whether I need to stay straight on the path I'm on or veer off in another direction. I've had plenty of moments since being here where if I died that very second, I'd truly rest in peace. As well as the moments where something is missing and I feel completely unsatisfied. I am holding onto both sides of the spectrum because they both are responsible for the fire inside muh belly.

I want a long hug from my family, a bro hug from my boys, a kiss from my gal friends and some Cluck-U.

HK

Jake David<3

Gobbles

After going to a Hollywood party filled with free drinks and absurd incomes we walked back to our car that was beside about 8-10 homeless people hugged against the cement. Seeing those two extremes on a daily basis puts things in perspective.

I am thankful for..

Mi familia
My friends
My opportunities
My boys sister for giving me a place to sleep
New Jersey
The whispering eye
Mozzarella sticks
Blue Moon
White T's
Warm water
My struggles
Seinfeld
Nice people
Devil's Lettuce
Pearl Jam
Good conversation (it's rare)


This list could be longer than Schindlers so it's just a taste of what I'm grateful for.

What are you grateful for?

Happy Turkey Day

HK

Don't Hold Back

Life seems long in numbers; yet, it is kinda short in reality. 


I'm saying don't hold back. I am preaching to a choir that I, myself, am singing in. Each and every day I hold back feelings that I wish I could just express. Whether it be disappointment, sadness, happiness, loneliness, love, anger, excitement or even if you got to poop. We have feelings that we constantly hide from one another that are poking at our insides just to be let out. I ask for myself and everyone reading this to dig deep and lay it all out on the table once in a while. Now, obviously there are some things that are better left unsaid. But I am talking about the emotions that are dug so deep down that sometimes you forget you are dealing with them. We tend to project our emotions in the wrong direction when there is some underlying feeling that you try to deal with on your own. Sure, you can figure it out by yourself but I don't understand why we can't reach out when it is so desperately needed. If there are ten things that you keep boiling up inside, take one step and release just one of the ten. Because in the end you'll feel better, ten fold. Life is to ridikerously short and eventually it may to be too late to tell someone how you feel before the real damage is done.


This life shit is too deep sometimes. I've been through some shit with no shoes on. We all have. Even though we can never 100% relate to whatever the issue may be because we have our own unique point of view, there are still those basic emotions that we can relate to.


If all you hear is "blah blah blah I'm a dirty tramp", then that's cool. I am just spittin' with the juices that are flowing. Plus the woman on the floor above me walking back and forth, back and forth in her fucking heels is pushing me to the edge and forcing me to stop typing.


"We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented."


There is more to what we are presented a lot of the time.


HK

If you don't like it; don't read it.

'I'm living just to keep going.'

We all have our ups and our downs. But at the end of the day the best advice I have been given is to live in the moment. I constantly question my actions and whether they are the right ones. But that isn't the right way to go about it. I have also been handed the advice that if I question things to much and worry about certain decisions being "right", then I'll never go for anything. I am searching for something that I can't even describe because I don't know what it is. All I know is that life is as amazing as it is insane and unpredictable. Life is about expecting the unexpected and rolling with whatever it is you do. Do what makes you happy. And if you don't know what makes you happy then just keep your eyes and mind open. Because when you least expect it life gives you the opportunity to strike.

I don't know what I am saying right now but it all stems from so many different emotions that I feel each and everyday I am out here. I see people putting on a show and I see people as real as I've ever seen. I respect so much of those that aren't putting on a front. Out here in LA appearance is everything which is something I've never wanted to conform too and I won't. There is so much beyond what first meets the eye. I am out here to surprise people. For them to see me and not expect anything. Just so when I do snuff them with a surprise attack they are that much more engaged.

Hands down I get sad about all the people I left behind for the time being. Before I left I tried to soak up every second I had left before I left and was aware that I wasn't going to feel the effects till I got here.

And I feel it.

 I am not scared to be here, so far from home. The feelings I feel are simply the footprint all my friends and family left on me. I knew I have always been blessed but I now it hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason. Cot damn do I love the people back EAST!

Responsibility is weird.

All I need is muh family, muh friends, a toilet bowl, the female touch and a Jets Superbowl.

"I'm going to paraphrase Thoreau here... rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth."

HK

I miss JakeDavid.