"I hope it is true that a man can die and yet not only live in others but give them life, and not only life, but that great consciousness of life." - Jack Kerouac
I'm really doing great. I don't have a lot of money, yet. My eyes are open. I am completely aware of life right now. But so very often I have these moments where I just can't take it anymore. Life is just too heavy. But in a beautiful way. Not in an overbearing or stressful way, life is just so fucking heavy. And these moments occur in the most calm of situations.
Success is subjective. Here in Hollywood success = status. I don't care about that. Sure it would be fantastic to be famous but the only people that I actually care about what they think is my family. Every day I wonder what am I doing out here? It is like I just woke up and I am here. I didn't think about it, I just came. And I am glad I did because even though there are so many fraudulent people, I have met so many amazing people that I know will be involved in my life forever and that's beautiful. This rant I am typing has no clear message but ultimately I just want to slow life down and just remind people how small we really are. Even after you chased down your 'dreams' and theres nothing left to chase, are we not brought back to our loved ones? Life to me is relationships and if I'm not taking care of my relationships, or the people I love than what am I doing. I am doing great, believe it or not, this is not a cry for help or solution. There is a method to all my madness. Just once in a while I feel the need to share what is on my mind because I am random, shameless and just hoping there is someone who can read even just one of these incoherent sentences and feel at comfort because there is someone who feels the same way.
Life is heavy and so are bowling balls. All we can do is keep rolling on.